Monday, June 24, 2002

It's like... I didn't die but I'm not alive anymore. I can't believe that he's really gone. I just can't believe it. In my head I keep thinking that I'll see him again like at school or online or something. I keep hoping that somehow, some way this was all just a mistake and he's gonna come back... but deep down I know it will never happen. I miss the way he would smile and shake his head when I would say something dumb. He had the greatest smile. It was like his secret weapon. No matter how bad my day was all he had to do was smile and I forgot all about it. When I saw him lying there in the coffin it hit me. I came to the realization that it was really over. Uchenna wasn't coming back. I watched him and felt something come over me. It was as if something had taken over and just completely melted my heart. It made me feel so helpless... like I have no control over my feelings. As I stood and watched his coffin get lowered into the ground I felt the worse pain in my heart. It was a pain I had never felt before and I can only hope no one else will ever feel. I know he's in a better place but why did he have to go so soon? I couldn't even say goodbye. I had a dream that I saw him at school. The teacher called his name and he answered to it. Then he looked at me and smiled. It was so real. And I feel so bad because I wish me and Uchenna would have spent more time together. I mean... its so weird because I went to the funeral... I saw his casket go down but these thoughts are still running through my mind that MAYBE, just maybe he really is out there.
Quiet Emotions

I always wanted more from you than you were willing to give
So now that we've gone our seperate ways each with different lives to live
The bond will always be there the friendship always in tact
But the time for us has come and gone and the pages of time will not turn back
I will always be a friend to you
And I will always care
I will always wonder about you
And will always wish you well
The smiles and laughter I will remember and our fights have become painless scars
Somedays I wonder if you're somewhere out there
Maybe thinking about me too
And on those busy days with a thousand things to do
Let me glide slowly through your thoughts and let me spend some time with you
In that quiet moment when you find me there
Just remember even with the distance between us
I am still someone who cares

Tomorrow will come

The pain I felt
My heart that broke
The pride that fell
The love I spoke of
Though friends offered comfort
And stayed by my side
The pain would not stop
For it came from inside
I could not understand
How this could be painless to some
But I lifted my head high
And said, “tomorrow will come”

Tomorrow came
And then it passed
But the hurt I felt
Still did last
And yet I continued to wait
For the day
That they say
Would soon take all
My heartache away

Every night I’d pray
Then each morning I’d wake
Only to find
That the hurt had stayed
But with a smile on my face
And hope in my heart
I waited for the pain
To slowly part

The days slowly passed
Kept busy with plans
And the once unbearable pain
Had unnoticeably slipped
From my hands

After all the past days
And nights I prayed
I awoke to realize
The cracks in my heart…
Had faded away…

Though the process of healing
Came sooner for some
I did survive
For my tomorrow had come.